Merry Smutmas
by PunkiiRose
Summary: Just a little one-shot that shows eggnog, Alize, Bacardi, Bondage and talent shows do not mix well. M for Mature, language, lemons and whatnot. Slightly D/S, very slightly. Merry Smutmas all! :


**Author's Note: I wanted to do a Christmas one-shot simply for the smut, to be honest. So enjoy!

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"Fuck off, Cullen."

"Did you say 'fuck off' or 'jerk off'?" he called from the other room.

I rolled the pin over the dough on the counter with one hand and wiped the sweat from my forehead with the other. Baking cookies from scratch was no joke and I found myself wanting to pray to Renee's Paula Dean alter next time I decided to visit. It was worth it though. My cookies made you want to orgasm on the spot with each deliciously soft bite. My panties got moist just thinking about sinking my teeth into the warm, soft delectable little things, brown sugar and frosting melting in my mouth. . .

"Bella? What the fuck?"

I snapped out of my reverie and quickly removed my hands from my chest, busying them with kneading the dough and not my tits. Damn those wonderful, orgasm inducing cookies.

Edward came up from behind and wrapped his arms around my waist, smiling against my neck.

"If I'd known that the domestics made you horny I would have bought you all the Better Living magazines we could afford."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, the idea of white picket fences and one story houses bring out my wild side, baby."

"Mmm, in that case I've always wanted to bring a washer and dryer in here, put them in that extra room in the back," he murmured huskily in my ear, his hands slipping under my shirt and stroking the skin of my sternum.

"Oh, yeah," I moaned breathily.

"Substitute the bed sheets with 100% Egyptian cotton, 1,000 thread count instead of our 100. Replace the kitchen linoleum with porcelain and stone tiles. Strip these sorry things for a granite counter top. Is this too much for you to handle? Should I slow down or just take you to the bed now?"

I laughed, pulling away from him and slapping his chest, covering his plaid button down with flour.

"Shut up and go back to your game. I need to finish these so we can get over to Carlisle and Esme's."

He kissed my cheek and swatted my bottom before taking a can of beer from the fridge and stalking back to the living room.

This year's Christmas should be quite interesting. Everyone was gathering at Edward's parents' house for the Eve celebration party, everyone being Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, and Edward and I. Every year was a different theme, and for the past 4 years of my being with Edward the themes never disappointed. The first year was Fantasy Christmas, something Alice did not enjoy in the least when we all dressed up as woodland sprites. Alice didn't need to dress up at all. The next year was an Atlantis theme. All the girls bought dresses that belonged in the 20's, you know, the ones with the long ass skirt that hugged you all the way down to your ankles? Those. They were uncomfortable as hell. The past two years' themes went hand-in-hand. Sex Revolution and Orgy. Sadly, Edward did not approve of us joining in on those particular themes so we left early, only to hear the gossip about it the next morning. According to Alice, where Jasper's wang was long, Emmett's was thick, and vice versa came from Rose. Both had absolutely nothing to say about Carlisle. They were too intimidated to even give it a look.

Done with the foreplay, I brought out the cookie cutters, made the shapes and stuck them in the oven. By the time Edward and I were dressed they would be done. I passed by the TV before going to our room, standing right in front of it to block Edward's view and told him to get his clothes on. He arched an eyebrow, made eye contact with me for about three seconds, then went back to viewing the Patriots game from between my legs.

I sighed and crawled onto his lap. He was slouched on the day bed against the wall, still staring at the television set.

"Please, Edward? I wanna get there before Alice does to spike the punch. Please?"

He ignored me, still looking at the game, hand wrapped around his beer can.

I slid my hands up his shoulders and into his hair as I positioned myself in his lap, flipping my wild hair over one shoulder and tilting my head to whisper in his ear.

"Come on, baby," I purred. "Aren't you excited to see what I got for the party? If we have time I can do a little dance for you on the counter. But only if you get dressed."

As my words began to sink in and he considered the theme of said party, I heard the aluminum in his hand protest from the way his fingers began to crush it. He groaned, placing the beer on the coffee table and gripping my ass, pulling me onto his ever growing, denim covered cock.

"Don't tease me, Bella," he warned seriously.

"I'm not. Now hurry up and get dressed," I breathed.

He complied easily this time, carrying me to our room where I scolded him, telling him that he wasn't allowed to see my clothes-or lack there of- until we got there, where he in turn accused me of deception. Hey, it was true so I didn't hold it against him. He left anyway, taking his clothes with him and I dressed quickly and carefully. I went to the vanity to put on just a touch of make up, threw my trench coat on and added my spike studded collar as a finishing touch.

Edward was still dressing so I pulled cookies out of the oven to cool for a few minutes before piling them on a silver tray, and tying the treats up with cellophane. With the cookies ready to go, I put on my shoes and tidied up the kitchen before it was time to leave.

Edward came out, hiding himself under a trench coat as well and carried the cookies to the car, knowing good and well I wouldn't be dancing on my counter.

We pulled into the Esme and Carlisle's driveway after a quiet 20 minute drive. I squealed seeing that no other cars were yet here and pulled the bottle of Bicardi 151 from the backseat as Edward came around the car to assist me out. It was a snowy, windy night which meant danger for me. He wrapped his arm around my waist as we climbed up the steps, knocked on the door and Alice was there to greet us with a knowing smile.

"God dammit, Alice!" I stomped my foot on the floor as we walked through the threshold and set my bottle of hard liquor on the cloth covered table holding the confections. Edward set the tray of cookies down next to it and pounded Jasper's outstretched fist.

Alice laughed, bouncing to the punch bowl, much to Jasper's pleasure, and pointing to the near empty Alize beside it.

"We parked in the driveway," she giggled.

Rose and Emmett strolled from behind the ceiling high Christmas tree in the center of the room, smiles on their faces as they eyed my Bicardi and came to greet us as well. Rose had a leash that was tied rather tightly around Emmett's neck and he was always behind her, never beside.

As we pulled away from our friends, Edward and I watched each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. At the same time we both untied our draw strings and let the trench coats fall to the floor. We both also gasped taking in the other, both of our eyes I imagine darkening with unadulterated lust.

He wore a sleeveless black t-shirt that fit to his torso perfectly, spike studded armbands on his wrists, a pair of dark skinny jeans draped low on his hips but held up by a gray belt with, you guessed it, studs. He had on black combat boots and all in all he was fucking delicious. I trapped my bottom lip between my teeth thinking of the games to be played later tonight.

That's when I heard a low growl coming from the back of his throat as he continued to eye my choice of apparel. I chose to go with a one-size-too-small black corset with lace ruffle trim, a tight as all hell skirt of the same material that barely covered my ass, and opted for a thong. My choice of shoes were the kicker and I was sure because Alice helped me pick them out. They were black corset back satin platform sandal heels that made my legs look miles long. My hair was tied back into a simple bun to expose my neck and I applied a light mascara to complete the look. I was ready to fuck. Or to be in a bondage fest or whatever the kids called it these days.

Alice was thinking in my direction with the corset but hers was pink with a ribbon that covered her left boob and wrapped around her little neck. She wore a pair of black heels that would have put me in a hospital; they made her my height exactly.

Rose was fuck-hot though and compared to her I could have been wearing sweats and a jersey. She opted for a strapless bustier of vinyl red and black that made her breasts practically fall out and walked around in a G-string, knee high stockings, and corset front platform black suede heels that lifted her 5 inches off of the ground. She was practically taller than Emmett, who was conveniently eyeing the shit out of her tits.

Why the need for the corsets and collars? Simple. This year's Christmas theme was Sex in the Cellar, courtesy of Esme.

Drawing my attention away from Edward, I glared at the pixie who was mixing the punch with a grin.

"I told you I wanted to spike it, Alice," I whined, stomping again. I hated my whining but then again so did Alice.

"Yeah, well I beat you to it, sugar tits. Get over it."

"What are you two arguing about now?" Esme came clacking out from the kitchen with Carlisle at her heels-literally. He was on the floor with a leash similar to Emmett's on his neck. As he crawled, he stared openly at my breasts. Perv. A very hot perv, though. Esme and Rose planned to wear the same thing and, honestly, they were both wearing the shit out of it. Esme was the hottest MILF/cougar I had ever meet.

Rose, Esme, and Jasper were Doms, Emmett, Carlisle and Alice were Subs, and Edward and I were just neutral much to everyone else's dismay.

"Alice knew I wanted to punch-spike but she got to it before I could." I turned to Esme with pleading eyes and she pulled me into that motherly embraced that always turned me to goo.

"Alice," Esme admonished, releasing me. "It's not fair if you spike the punch two years in a row. Bella wanted to do it this time and you should apologize. Now," she added when Alice said nothing.

"Lawry," she mumbled.

Jasper gripped his pixie lover's neck between his thumb and forefinger and forced her to her knees. She went easily, her eyes widening like saucers as she stared at the ground. I hoped they had a safe word.

"Say it correctly," he growled fiercely. I. . . I don't think I'd ever been more afraid of calm, cool, and collected Jasper in my life. He looked murderous.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she said quietly. Not that I was staring or anything, but her nipples were hardening impossibly under the material of her corset. Clearly she was fucking loving being dominated, the sick bastard.

Jasper stroked her head gingerly and leaned to whisper his pride in her ear. She beamed. Edward looked uncomfortable watching his sister's involuntary reaction. I was all for being a D/S couple but Edward was steadfast against it. Such a fucking party pooper.

"Bella, dear, the eggnog is all yours, then," Esme said offhand, watching Carlisle closely. It was my turn to beam.

We had dinner, a lovely banquet that Esme had prepared, and chatted about everything under the sun. Admittably, it felt extremely different than any dinner I'd ever been to though. Usually everyone ate on the table. Emmett, Carlisle and Alice ate their dinners on the floor next to their partner's legs on the floor, the rest of us in chairs. It looked uncomfortable and I wanted to offer my seat to one of them but they didn't seem to mind.

Edward would once in a while put his hand on my lap and knead my thigh and I would in return cup his package through his jeans. He so wanted to fuck me.

After the meal we all moved to sitting room for the main festivities of the night: the Talent Show.

Along with the random theme, there was a talent competition where everyone showcased something ridiculous with their lover and every year had me in tears. The funniest thing I had ever seen was Alice accidentally electrocuting Jasper with wet nipple clamps. His hair flew up and appeared to be smoking.

Esme and Carlisle were up first being the hosts and they stood in the middle of the room as everyone settled into comfortable positions. Edward sat in a bean bag by the crackling fireplace and I lay across his lap. Em and Ro sat on the couch with Jasper, Alice in his lap sitting up tall and pretty for her southern man-meat.

Esme tugged on Carlisle's leash and he got to his feet, causing me, Alice and Rose to all gasp. Carlisle was shirtless but he was wearing tight as all hell vinyl pants showing us all him and his beautiful fucking glory. And what a glory it was to behold.

_Oh yeah. Edward gets it from Daddy._

Esme grinned at us and winked. As did Carlisle. We all swooned.

The men shifted uncomfortably and cleared their throats to get back to the show. Esme made a show of pulling two sticks of gum out of her boobs and showing it to us then handed one to Carlisle who immediately put it in his mouth. They both chewed for a few seconds then blew a bubble, slow and deliberate. Every two seconds they would blow more air into it and after a minute they were bigger than their heads. Just when I thought they would pop, Esme and Carlisle merged their bubbles to one huge mondo bubble that just got bigger and bigger. This wasn't going to end pretty. I pulled the afghan from behind the couch toward me and threw it over Edward and I both where we watched the show through the small holes. We could now officially fit Alice in that thing and it took only one more blow from Carlisle for the gum to burst with a crack and fly in every which direction, hitting everyone and everything in it's path, excluding me and Edward. The afghan, sadly, did not make it.

Emmett guffawed loudly, holding his stomach as he pulled gum off of his face.

"What the fuck was that? What kind of gum did you sick fucks buy?"

Rose turned red and pulled Emmett's leash which was wrapped around her fist roughly. His neck jerked and that shit looked painful.

"Did I fucking say you could speak, dog?" she barked. "Answer me! Did I?"

"No," he squeaked, cowering from the wrath of Rosalie. God, these people knew how to get into character.

"I thought not, now don't fucking do it again." They both turned their attention back to Esme and Carlisle who were bowing as the rest of us clapped.

Emmett and Rosalie were up next and they'd filled up a bucket with maple syrup. Last year they gave Edward and I a free subscription to Penthouse for a year. I was curious to see what their talent/gift was.

Emmett brought a chair to the middle of the room and Rose sat in it. Emmett massaged her shoulders and kissed her neck a few times before tying her hair up. He then dipped his hand in the syrup and spread it on her slender neck. Rose just sat with her eyes closed. Emmett then proceeded to lick his mess clean off of her with one long swipe of his tongue. In seconds it was all off and the two bowed.

What the fuck?

Esme, Carlisle, Jasper and Alice broke out in applause, stroking Rose's ego.

I didn't know licking syrup was a talent, but whatever.

As the two sat down, Esme flew to the kitchen for eggnog, pouring us each a glass and we joked as we drank. Bicardi and nog did not mix well, I decided, receiving a quick buzz from only one sip. This shit should be illegal. But it wasn't, so I kept drinking. And pouring. And drinking. And pouring. And drinking. And then pouring again. After 20 minutes I was drunk off my ass. Edward was more careful than I was, mostly because he had to drive. I caught him more than once gawking at my scarcely clad body and it made me feel incredible in my high state.

Edward and I were next. We stood and I went to the center of the room while Edward wheeled the piano from the corner. He pulled the cover back, lifted me on top of it, and sat on the bench, cracking his fingers. His long piano playing fingers. His long, soft, fingers capable of making a grown woman meow. . .

I shook my head, clearing it of the haze and vision of his hands. Even when we'd first met, I had a slight obsession with his hands from an aesthetic point of view. They were large yet graceful, very pliable long fingers and well kept nails. He continually disparaged them in his usual modest way but I wondered if they were a hereditary thing and the rest of his family had the same sort of hands as well. If so, Alice and Esme must have been masters in the art of self-love.

I leaned precariously over the grand piano top, sprawling out but doing my best not to expose my lady bits. Edward looked up at me, his eyes hooded as he watched me. I gave him my best seductive smile and motioned him forward with the crook of my finger. He inclined his head.

"I'm horny," I mouthed wordlessly.

He grinned. "I know," he mouthed back.

"Wanna fuck after this?"

"You read my mind, love."

"I want it dirty and rough, Edward. I want you to fuck me like fucking rabbit."

He growled and with a curt nod of his head looked back to the piano keys.

I smiled one of my yay-I'm-about-to-get-fucked smiles and ran my fingers through Edward's soft hair, lightly scratching his scalp. The growl in his chest got loud enough for the others to hear and they watched us with interested curiosity. I wanted to give them a show to remember but Eddie stopped me with one of his looks. I thought he wanted to bite me. Bite me hard. Bite me hard and push me up against a wall, digging his long fingers into the skin of my hips, his lips at my neck sucking greedily. . .

"Bella!"

I snapped my eyes open and forced my hands to my lap. Why did I always get caught trying to show the girls some love?

As Edward began to play Jingle Bells, the horny set in again. I couldn't even remember the original words.

"_Edward's balls, Edward's balls, how they love to sway!_

_Oh what fun it is to fuck with Edward's balls all day! Yay!_

_Edward's Balls, Edward's balls, how I love to play!_

_Oh what fun it is to ride on Edward's balls all day!_

_Thrusting in my cunt, with a force so hard, I say_

_Almost made me cum, before ol' Emmett said,_

_"Eddie's a machine,_

_One more, she'll come undone!"_

_Rose slapped his head, apologized, and polished off her rum!_

_Oh! Edward's-"_

"THAT'S ENOUGH!," Edward roared, slamming on the keys. _I wish he'd slam inside of me. . . _

He hurried to his feet, pulled me down roughly from my perch and crashed his mouth down on mine, right in front of everyone. I don't know if it was the alcohol or if I was just plain horny, but in any case I fucking threw myself into the kiss. It was a mess of lips, tongues, and teeth as we struggled for dominance over one another, and it looked like he was coming out on top.

_I wanted him to come on my top. . . _

He pushed me back until I collided with the wall next to the stairwell. I don't think he even noticed. His nails scratched at the stiff material of my torso and I arched off the paneling wanting him to touch me but knowing it wasn't possible with clothes on. His lips left my mouth for my jaw and I let the back of my head hit the wall.

"Edward," I breathed. "Please!"

And then someone cleared their throat.

My eyes snapped open and Edward's head snapped up as well as we turned to the audience behind us.

_Well I did want to give them a show. . . _

The six of them sat staring wide-eyed at Edward and I, eggnogs in hand, mouths open. They looked expectant, dirty bastards.

"Uhm. . . Mom, dad, I'm going to take Bella up to my room now. . . and I'm going. . . to fuck the piss out of her," Edward deadpanned.

I smiled and he turned back to me, his mouth finding mine with an eagerness I matched easily. He grabbed the back of my thighs and I wrapped my legs around him, my hands going to his hair as he quickly carried upstairs to his old room. I ground my hips into his and we both moaned at the friction. He brought my lower lip between his, sucking on it as I struggled to get his shirt over his head without breaking the kiss. I needed to feel his skin under my fingers, needed to feel him, period.

_Which I was not on. . ._

Jackpot!

I hadn't realized when we fell to the bed but he took both my wrists in one hand and held them above my head on a pillow, his eyes locking onto mine for a moment before slowly traveling downward. I squirmed, rubbing my thighs together for friction. He noticed and separated them with his knee, just lightly applying pressure to my crotch.

"Ungh, Edward, please?" I begged, pitifully. He was teasing me.

He hovered his lips just above mine, applying a little more pressure to my apex. I groaned.

"What is it you want, my Bella?" he whispered huskily.

"You! I want you, Edward! Please!"

He shook his head with a smile, kissing me once more then lowering himself. He licked the skin along my collarbone, nibbling gently, and went even lower, skimming his nose along the swell of my breast. He fingered the lace with his free hand and ran it down my waist and over my hip. It was torture. Sweet, sweet torture.

"As much as I love this on you, I think you've teased me enough for one day."

His hand was at my back now and he swiftly undid the clasps to my corset. His mouth immediately went to my aching nipple and he swirled his tongue around it, his hand finding the other breast and fondling it gingerly. I ground my hips down on his knee, no doubt leaving a mark as I mewled and bucked against him. I was hot and sweaty and needy and wanting and if he didn't get naked now I was going to spontaneously combust.

He relented on my breasts and pushed the corset away, finally releasing my wrists as he sat up. I used his shirt as leverage to right myself and kissed him as I pulled his shirt over his head. We slowed, just looking in each others eyes, both of us panting heavily. I loved looking into his mossy green eyes. I felt safe, I felt whole, I felt at home.

My hand went to his cheek and he mirrored my actions. I cupped his beautiful face in my hands and allowed myself to actually feel his lips against mine, to enjoy their warmth. He layed me back down on the bed and rolled my excuse for panties down my legs. He slowly dipped a finger between my folds, pumped once earning a throaty groan from me, and dragged his fingers to his mouth, tasting me. I took that hand in my own and wrapped my lips around his fingers as well, my tongue rolling over the rough and calloused pad before I let him go. He groaned and brought his lips back down to mine.

He undid the zipper of his jeans, letting them slide down his legs along with his boxer-briefs as he kicked them off and rubbed the head of his cock against the arousal that seeped onto my thighs.

"Edward," I breathed.

"I love you, baby," he rasped, sliding into me effortlessly, keeping his eyes on me.

I gasped as he filled me so perfectly, and moaned as he slid out again, my eyes rolling to the back of my head.

"I love you, too," I whispered.

"Ungh, you feel so fucking good, Bella."

I tangled my hands in his hair, damp and coppery as I brought his mouth back to mine. Our tongues danced the one of forbidden love, tasting and teasing the others. He massaged my breast and I bucked my hips against him, letting him fill me to the hilt as he thrust into me over and over again. I moaned against his lips, lifting my hips to match his pace and I noticed we moved so well together. My hands slid from his hair down to his arms, where I felt the force of every stroke. My fingers slid to his chest, damp with sweat and I groaned in feeling him. He was lean and muscular and just perfect. They slid down his stomach to his abdomen and I felt each one beneath my fingertips. This man was immaculate and made for me in every which way, I thought with a hint of possessiveness. He was mine and he always would be.

His bronze hair fell into his eyes as he watched me and I arched my back against him as he stroked my clit, that familiar warmth filling my belly.

He sped up his pace and I knew that he was close. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself up against him, feeling every hard line against my soft ones, every muscle under my own.

"Oh, Edward."

He moaned louder now and held my bottom in his hands, pulling me against him forcefully as we both neared that sought after Holy Land. I pulled him to me too, my body prickling with sweat as I began o clench around him. His hand wrapped around me and went between us where he stroked my clit fiercely.

"That's right, baby. Come around my cock, sweetheart. Let me feel you."

I was fucking done.

"Oh FUCK!"

I clutched him to me as I spasmed out of control and into oblivion, my walls gripping him tightly as he continued to thrust. As I came down I could feel his movements becoming sloppier, less coordinated and jerky.

"Ungh, fuck, Bella!"

He growled, thrust into me a few more times, and released himself into me with a throaty groan. I stroked the taut muscles of his back as he inhaled the skin of my neck and we sat for a moment, just wrapped up in each other.

"Merry Christmas, Edward," I whispered.

"Merry Christmas, my Bella."

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU FUCKING RABBITS, YOU!"

God Carlisle was a perv.

A very hot perv though.

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Merry Smutmas to all and to all a good Fuck! :)**


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